Living in the Time of Corona

Good evening my corona friends ad sad to say that we are well over 500 days into this Covid thing and now we are back to wearing a mask. It seems neither the chlorine bleach nor Ivermectin in any amount is going to make this virus go away. Seriously folks why would you rely on something you can buy at CVS or Tractor supply to cure Covid-19, and refuse the advice of epidemiologists whose job it is to study infectious diseases in humans, not horses or cows. It is really beyond the pale and just when I think it can’t get any weirder I saw Jordan Klepper interview a woman at a Trump rally who will never get vaccinated because she follows Dr. Tenpenny who believes that their bodies are becoming magnetized and forks and knives are sticking to their faces, that’s right she was testifying in the Ohio statehouse and you just can’t make this shit up. The truth is it would be great comedy if people didn’t believe it, and I am just going to say what a lot of people are thinking there are a whole lot of dumbasses in the world. I know we are supposed to be kind and listen to other points of view but in these instances and in also the Clorox and animal drugs, just plain stupid. We have a lot to worry about with the plague, fires, and wars, and now throw in a major hurricane, try and tell me that someone didn’t majorly piss off the big guy upstairs?

I never thought that forty years ago to the day when my roommate and I brought this tiny human into the world that we would be setting her for this craziness. The worst things we had to worry about were gas prices and mortgage rates, which by the way were extremely high by today’s standards, our first mortgage was 12% now they whine if it gets to 4%.  I tell you what I am sure we could live with those rates if you could make all that other shit go way. We have succeeded in abusing the planet for the next generations, but don’t worry climate change is not real, just ask a Republican? Unless he is not running for reelection.

August 31, 1981, just five minutes before midnight we welcomed our incredibly beautiful daughter into the world. Let me tell you things were a bit different then and this is when you wanted to go El Natural, meaning no drugs, I still think about how crazy were we with this crazy idea that we should go through labor and delivery with no drugs. I can remember being in that birthing room with techie and the Dr talking about sailing, while my contractions were coming fast and furious and what came out of my mouth when I told them in no uncertain terms, I don’t want to hear about it, in a very colorful manner.  The young resident took out a sandwich in the room that night and I screamed at him if he wasn’t sharing he better put it away.  I do feel bad about that, because I realized later that he was just exhausted and hungry, just like me, but not having a baby.  I don’t know what it is like today and wasn’t quite the same 4 years later when Max arrived but it was pretty cool having the “birthing room” where we could chill out and make our phone calls in the wee hours of the morning. We were some of the first in our friend group to have a baby so we had to share with everyone that night, imagine calling a friend at 2 am today when you get to be my age you have to double-check after 9 pm.  Our friend Donald won the night when he asked me “is it really like shitting a pumpkin?” I always wanted to ask someone that is what he said, and I said that pretty much sums it up. Of course, the second-best thing that happened to me that night after delivering Erica was getting wheeled into a room in the middle of the night that I would share with my new best friend, Nancy.  I don’t believe they have you share rooms today, at least if you have good insurance, but you are missing out.  Today they want the new dad in the room for the whole experience but ladies there is nothing better than having a roommate with a curtain between you and your conversations are on hemorrhoids and stitches.  Nancy’s baby girl came more than a month early that morning and lucky for the both of us,

Because we would never have met. I still remember Nancy pulling that curtain back in the early dawn and saying that is what you look like.  So as luck would have it, I not only came home with an absolutely incredible daughter but a friend for life, and yes the girls are great friends as well.

I can’t believe that I have a daughter who is turning forty, but more importantly, I can’t believe I have a daughter as incredible as Erica. Often I am in wonder how such a polite, sweet, and compassionate human is my daughter?  I know most people will say there is the roommate who had something to do with this person she has become and I will give him some credit. But I think she did it on her own with maybe a little sauciness from her mother, at least we know where she got her potty mouth from, yes not perfect.  

Erica my roommate and I are wishing you the most Glorious Birthday and we are so very proud of the incredible person and mother that you are today.  Charlie and Maisie are really going to need some guidance through this whacky world we live in today and they couldn’t have a better steward than you.  We love you Mucho!!!

Just saying…………………

Good evening my corona friends and I trust you are all keeping up with the news. Many of our friends are not following protocol and getting the jab, so the delta variant is causing a bit of some angst for all those paying attention. But if that is the way you want to play fine, just don’t come a-knocking when you need some medical care, call up your buddies on Facebook or Fox news and have them sit with you. So many say they are waiting for full FDA approval as they don’t want to be an experiment for the government, well darling that ship has sailed. We were an experiment in that we survived four years under Cheetos’s dynasty and who knows what else is coming down the pike it is all one big science experiment.  Fires are raging, earthquakes, evacuations and probably heading into a wild hurricane season, but other than that Mrs. Lincoln how was the play?

I don’t want to rant and rave about my fellow citizens but I do want them to behave because if something happens to my grandchildren, lookout. Hell has no fury like Grandma Peggy scorned. Summer is coming to a close and I know this used to be a time when parents of young kids were just itching for class to resume but now you have to worry about whether some dipshit moron decides on a mask or no mask?  One thing I am sure of is that I think all the parents will have to be committed if their kids have to go remote, there will be no room on the Psych wards.

August is a tough month for me so much going on and it is the end of summer, so I want it to slow down but it’s already almost over. When you are old it seems like time flies in the blink of an eye. I remember when my son Max came to me when he was in college and said “mom remember how you always say time goes by so fast?  Now I get it.” When you have young kids the days are long but the years are short and now my baby girl Erica is turning 40 at the end of the month. I can’t believe I have a daughter that is 40 it’s inconceivable I still think I am 30, well mostly I act like a teenager and misbehave but old habits are hard to die. Tomorrow my roommate and beloved techie celebrate 43 years of wedded bliss and I just can’t believe it’s been that long, how did he survive?  My mother never thought he would stay around as I wasn’t a proper wife and wait on him and make him all his meals, she used to say how does he keep you?   She never quite understood that he was capable of making his own sandwich and God forbid a laundry. I knew right from the get-go he was a winner, In one of our first ventures the car breaks down and he asked for a hair clip or nail file and then fussed under the hood and we were off. I thought this guy is MacGyver and I am going to keep him and my mother-in-law was right “it was the luckiest day of my life when I met him”.  Freda, my mother in law had a certain way about her that sometimes could be charming with the backhanded compliments, like nice sweater too bad blue is not your color. My two sister-in-laws and their mothers never appreciated that “luckiest day of your life” line and took offense, but when she brought it up to my mom, she whole heartily agreed.  Well Mom and Freda I think you were both right and hope you are smiling down on us.  So how do you celebrate 43 years well last week my roommate says I made reservations at The Fox and Knife for dinner and I said great I made reservations to fly to Bermuda.  Guess where we are going?  A certain savvy “techie” let his passport expire so the next best thing is a lovely weekend dine around, and it will be wonderful.  We have everything we need right here in this large one-room loft where we can’t escape each other. 

Techie and I just completed our 12^th and 8^th Pan-Mass Challenge last week and for those who aren’t familiar it is a two-day bike ride across Massachusetts till the end of the cape In Provincetown, but because of the Pandemic like all events it had to change up. We ride for the Flames and Dana Farber and are lucky enough to have a fabulous team captain and honorary captains to Reimagine our route and hopefully if people would just behave we can get the real route back. This year was especially hard for a lot of reasons, first I am old, and second that Covid 19 turned into Covid 29 for me, so not only is the riding hard but squeezing into a spandex riding costume was especially hard.  They sent us a box with our PMC shirts and when my roommate came home I was crying he was worried but I said I can’t fit into the jersey.  Wouldn’t you know he found time to go by the PMC office and swap shirts but also mentioned they had lots of calls complaining the shirts came in too small this year. I think he was lying but that is why we are still married after forty-three years.  Techie and I met a couple at a bar this evening while enjoying our evening stroll and they mentioned it was their tenth anniversary and they ask each other every year “do you want to sign up for another year?” Well, that is all well and good but sweetie if you are enjoying the roller coaster and having so much fun, you just hang on tight on no need to ask.

Just saying……………….

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Good evening my corona friends and here we are in August when I always want it to slow down let summer last twice as long, especially after that soggy July we just had to endure. Well, it looks like we will be living through groundhogs day as the Plague once again takes over our everyday life.  Corona is back to the number one headline, the first thing we hear in the morning and the only thing we seem to be talking about in the news. This could have all been preventable but some dipshits would rather take their medical advice from a pundit or a politician than a medical professional, so now we all have to suffer the consequences.  Seriously it is Day 497 and I thought maybe 100 days and we would be kicking this virus to the curb, but no it is coming back with a vengeance and wants to kick those doubters in the ass.  I have four grandchildren and I sure don’t want them to suffer the consequences, so go out and get the DAM Jab.I had the absolute pleasure of spending this past weekend on the cape with seven of my oldest girlfriends and I am not talking about age.  Really to be in the company of these fabulous women for 48 hours and our only care was mixing the cocktails and getting to the beach is truly a slice of heaven.  I never lived in a sorority house, just wasn’t cool back in the ’70s, for me anyway, and I am pretty sure there could be a lot of bitchieness at that age, but not at our Centrum age. Granted we are not quite the blue-haired crowd yet but certainly at an age where we don’t give a shit about a lot of silly things that may have been important back in college. We don’t have to get all dolled up before we venture out and there was plenty of belching, farting, and snoring in the house all weekend.  We made some fabulous meals together and amazing how everyone just pitches in and gets all the jobs done, setting the table, chopping the veggies, mixing the drinks, and clean up without being asked. Not that men haven’t gotten better about pitching in but when there is a crowd they still tend to sit on their asses. Women just step right in and make it all happen and enjoy the group effort.

We did manage to put on a very nice dinner the first night and our host Jane, even relented having so many hens in the kitchen which can make her a bit anxious sometimes but I noticed a new calmness on this visit. I guess it is inevitable that with age the discussion at dinner can change on a dime when people start talking about their aches and pains, and soon enough we were full-blown about Osteoporosis. As it turns out a few have some serious issues and are on different medications and all about their bone density.  Of course, I would rather totally ignore any of this and no one could believe that I never had a bone density test, or at least not one I know of presently. I am my mother’s daughter, and for me, that means to avoid going to a Dr. at all costs, unless absolutely necessary.  After we exhausted all the possible medication combinations that may be of some benefit, we all started to get ready to retire for the evening. We are all snuggled up in our jammies and as it turns out there is another discussion of what we all take to sleep for the night, and there is quite a variety, Ativan, valium, and my personal favorite Gummies.  Oh wait I skipped the beauty routine and all kinds of potions and lotions are a must to maintain our natural beauty, apparently, I am lacking in this department and I have to improve my beauty regime.  I have been busy looking up all the products and I will be sure to order them and never use them, but I will feel like I am trying. The next morning there was a lot of sharing the actual pill bottles and picture taking of what vitamins and supplements everyone was taking, so now I have that all up to date as well. Women of a certain age look out for one another and we all discussed when to collect social security and what Medicare plan is best. Apparently, I missed out on some packages they don’t offer anymore, but maybe something new when I retire, but not anytime soon because I don’t want to sit home and watch Law and Order, I can do that all night.  Once we had all figured out our retirement plan it was time to pack up and head to the beach for a super long relaxing day just sitting in our group with endless conversations and funny how we never run out of things to say. I absolutely love my girlfriends and we hope to all live in our own group home someday, our own private care home.  Debbie is a former ballroom dance teacher, so she gave us all line dance lessons during the cocktail hour, and boy, it was getting serious. We nailed it.   Had to cut the dancing short because we had dinner reservations and then we had a snafu, somehow the garage door disengaged and it wouldn’t close. Somehow they convinced Jane, our host, that we should just close it and deal with it later, and this is when I truly realized she definitely was chill, normally this would freak her out, but not wanting to miss out on our girl time she agreed. Dinner and cocktails and then we had to pay the piper to come home to a broken door.  Not to worry because I called Techie and with the help of facetime, Linda on the stool, and Sandy on the ladder he talked us through it, and after several tries it clicked. You might have thought we scored the winning goal for the Gold we were so excited.  Just go to show that several slightly inebriated girls and one very calm Techie, on Facetime, can pretty much accomplish it all, ok maybe a slight exaggeration but it sure felt good.  We were all sorry the weekend had to end, but more importantly, we were extremely happy that we had this time.  Sometimes you may wonder how did I end up with these friends and if I met them today would we choose each other, because we all tolerate less as we get older, but I am grateful they tolerate me, even with the very loud snoring.  I don’t want to be afraid to go out and gather in a group so please all you undecided, get the shot. I never really believed in all these undecided anyway, that they go and dig up a few days before the election, seriously?  I say bullshit so just do it!

  Just saying…………………

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