Good evening my corona friends and I trust everyone is once again in a semi-lockdown mode with our newest friend Omicron overstaying its welcome. I had to cancel my annual New year’s dinner today with some of my closest friends and I am pissed, as we had to cancel last year as well, never believing it would be the same in 2021. Perhaps if we lived in Florida, it would still go on because I hear Disney is packed, cruise ships are sailing and they don’t mind if the variant joins them. Seriously we have been doing this New Year’s dinner for so many years and probably the only time we all stay up to 1 am, as we do the Fireworks at midnight on the harbor. 2019 was a particularly Joyful night as we ramped up the music and did some dancing before the fireworks, and remember we live in a small place so 20 people drinking and dancing get can pretty tight. I was cleaning up after everyone had left and dropped a knife that landed funny on my bare foot. It erupted like a little volcano and my roommate got all shook up that I might have hit an artery. After calling the hotline they said you better call 911 as it is 2 am and New Year’s Eve, ER will be full. Well, first we had the Detective in charge come in and make sure the EMTs could come in. My friend Pam was spending the night and she was nervous because the place may have smelled a bit like incense. I told her not to worry we were legal. Then came the cutest police officers, who gave the all-clear to let the EMTs enter. I immediately forgot about the injury and turned into my mother, two cute boys, and equally cute lady EMTs. Well, I tried to fix them up and offer a snack and a little respite from a busy night. Once they saw the size of the cut, they assured me that I would live. Anyway, a great end to the night and I have a framed picture of those lovely ladies on my bookcase. I was hoping to share it with my friends this New Year to remind them of happier times but not going to happen because of this uninvited guest showing up.
I sat down tonight to write this blog and as I always do figure out the day and was a bit freaked out because tonight is day 664 and do you know what that makes NEW YEARS DAY 2022, Day 666 of the LIVINGINTHETIMEOFCORONA.COM blog…. I am not going to lie it is a bit concerning to me. The Universe might be sending me a message as the new Credit card I received after reporting one lost, has a security code of 666. I am not quite sure, am I living in hell, going to hell, or just the assholes that won’t get vaccinated going to hell? I am going with the latter and don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. I know originally, I would say it was like living in the twilight zone but now I am not sure. Techie and I watched a movie the other night with my son Max 9 (the Emmy award winner) Last Night in Soho. It was a lot of flashbacks in another time but the nightmares were real and I think whoever wrote it got these weird and violent dreams from living under Covid, and we should all be disturbed and scared. I often can’t believe the shit going on in the world and sometimes wonder is it a nightmare or reality, I am not sure.
I would like to end on a positive note and wish you all a very Happy New Year, and mask up and stay safe. Tomorrow night it will just be my lover, roommate, techie for an intimate dinner that I of course am cooking. Oh, and by the way, my 3-month-old dishwasher is broken and no one can come and fix it for a while, so techie would have had to wash a lot of dishes if we had guests, so do you think he had anything to do with this unwanted visitor?
Just saying…………
Month: December 2021
Good evening my Corona friends and I hope you are well and safe, as the plague continues. Remember I budgeted this blog for 100 days and today marks it 550 days past due. True things have gotten better and then worse, not sure where it will end up for these next few weeks on the plague spectrum but we can only hope it won’t be that scary. We kind of blew by delta but this Omicron variant seems to spread a lot quicker and apparently you do need the booster for this one. I was trying to research how they come up with these names but quite frankly I lost interest in the whole Greek number explanation theory and figured they just didn’t want to be responsible for another brand kill. Seriously Corona beer was down but pretty sure on its way back and Delta seems to have all the bad ill-behaved passengers so Omicron it is for today.
Techie and I just trolled the neighborhood trying to find a place to get a little bite for dinner and you would never know there is a variant out there because every place was full, and not even a spot at the bar. My roommate is really beginning to annoy me, as when I arrive home, he is sitting there reading one of his weird blogs or something, but not thinking about what is for dinner. He always says I was planning on taking you out, but no reservations? I am going to sign up for the dinner box again after the first of the year, otherwise, I am going to turn into the biggest nag. I am the only one employed in this household and the only visible means of support, so best to take care of the breadwinner. This time of the year can really turn you into a scrooge, especially if you work in retail, doubly worse when you think of wearing a mask and wondering if this asshole is vaccinated. The last thing you want to do is go Christmas shopping not when you can pour your own double goose on the rocks and watch a few episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Since we moved into our loft there is no room for a tree so I bring out my little driftwood tree with the lights on it and just plug it in, right next to my Menorah which I didn’t bother lighting this year. I did mention last month that I was heading to Puerto Rico with my whole family which includes 4 grandchildren all under 7 years old. Make 2 three-year-olds, 1 seven-year-old, and a 5-month baby and you got the makings of a “really Chill” vacation, NOT. Don’t get me wrong nothing gave me more pleasure to spend time with these guys but don’t call it a vacation, someone tweeted it is a trip, not a vacation. It was like there was a conspiracy as to which one was on the bad dream shift to wake up in the middle of the night, I think they drew straws every night as to whose turn for that night. They never disappointed and there was no sleeping through the night and 6 am was pretty much the wake-up time. I wonder if these kids will ever appreciate the beauty of a nap? It was the best trip and I did get to see my kids as incredible parents and I couldn’t believe their patience; they must have learned it from me. Well obviously, it worked out because we plan to visit NYC for a few days at Christmas and take in some shows. We are giving experiences for gifts this year, which includes Broadway and the Rockettes at Radio City. Of course, now with the new variant and raging plague that could all come to a halt and we will be back to Chinese food and a movie at home. Did I mention while on our trip down south for Thanksgiving we forgot to do groceries to cook at our VRBO and everything was closed on Thanksgiving Day? Luckily, we found a place that served the best fish tacos! Well, we will be sure to bring boxes of Annie’s mac and cheese so the kiddies won’t go hungry and we are not ordering any more chicken nuggets, as they never eat them and I am sick of them, as I have to finish them. The best part of the vacation was we didn’t listen or watch any news so we only heard about the new variant on the last day. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is and not have to worry about “what did the asshole do today”. Love him or hate him, Biden doesn’t have diarrhea of the mouth and like to hear himself talk, so much more pleasant.
I want to share with all of you the best Obituary I came across today and I was thinking we should all be putting down some thoughts of how we want ours to look. As a friend once wrote about me that I would be remembered as not, here she comes and she is so nice but rather here she comes and look out because she is packing.
Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukah! Happy New Year! Happy Kwanza!
Just saying………….
p.s. wear a mask in a crowd.
Renay Mandel Corren
Obituary
Renay Mandel Corren
El Paso, TX—A plus-sized Jewish lady redneck died in El Paso on Saturday.
Of itself hardly news, or good news if you’re the type that subscribes to the notion that anybody not named you dying in El Paso, Texas is good news. In which case have I got news for you: the bawdy, fertile, redheaded matriarch of a sprawling Jewish-Mexican-Redneck American family has kicked it. This was not good news to Renay Mandel Corren’s many surviving children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, many of whom she even knew and, in her own way, loved. There will be much mourning in the many glamorous locales she went bankrupt in: McKeesport, PA, Renay’s birthplace and where she first fell in love with ham, and atheism; Fayetteville and Kill Devil Hills, NC, where Renay’s dreams, credit rating and marriage are all buried; and of course Miami, FL, where Renay’s parents, uncles, aunts, and eternal hopes of all Miami Dolphins fans everywhere, are all buried pretty deep. Renay was preceded in death by Don Shula.
Because she was my mother, the death of zaftig good-time gal Renay Corren at the impossible old age of 84 is newsworthy to me, and I treat it with the same respect and reverence she had for, well, nothing. A more disrespectful, trash-reading, talking and watching woman in NC, FL or TX was not to be found. Hers was an itinerant, much-lived life, a Yankee Florida liberal Jewish Tough Gal who bowled ’em in Japan, rolled ’em in North Carolina and was a singularly unique parent. Often frustrated by the stifling, conservative culture of the South, Renay turned her voracious mind to the home front, becoming a model stay at home parent, a supermom, really, just the perfect PTA lady, volunteer, amateur baker and-AHHAHAA HA! HA! HA! Just kidding, y’all! Renay – Rosie to her friends, and this was a broad who never met a stranger – worked double shifts with Doreen, ate a ton of carbs with Bernie, and could occasionally be stirred to stew some stuffed cabbage for the kids. She played cards like a shark, bowled and played cribbage like a pro, and laughed with the boys until the wee hours, long after the last pin dropped. At one point in the 1980’s, Renay was the 11th or 12th-ranked woman in cribbage in America, and while that could be a lie, it sounds great in print. She also told us she came up with the name for Sunoco, and I choose to believe this, too. Yes, Renay lied a lot. But on the plus side, Renay didn’t cook, she didn’t clean, and she was lousy with money, too. Here’s what Renay was great at: dyeing her red roots, weekly manicures, dirty jokes, pier fishing, rolling joints and buying dirty magazines. She said she read them for the articles, but filthy free speech was really Renay’s thing. Hers was a bawdy, rowdy life lived large, broke and loud. We thought Renay could not be killed. God knows, people tried. A lot. Renay has been toying with death for a decades, but always beating it and running off in her silver Chevy Nova. Covid couldn’t kill Renay. Neither could pneumonia twice, infections, blood clots, bad feet, breast cancer twice, two mastectomies, two recessions, multiple bankruptcies, marriage to a philandering Sergeant Major, divorce in the 70’s, six kids, one cesarean, a few abortions from the Quietly Famous Abortionist of Spring Lake, NC or an affair with Larry King in the 60’s. Renay was preceded in death by her ex-boyfriend, Larry King. Renay was also sadly preceded in death by her beloved daughter, Cathy Sue Corren Lester Trammel Webster, of Kill Devil Hills, NC, who herself was preceded in death by two marriages, a fudge shop and one eyeball lost in a near-fatal Pepsi bottle incident that will absolutely be explored in future obituaries. Losing her 1-eyed badass b**** of a daughter in 2007 devastated Renay, but it also made her quite homeless, since Cathy pretty much picked up the tab. A talented and gregarious grifter, Renay M. Corren eked out her final years of luxury (she literally retired at 62) under the care, compassion, checking accounts and, evidently, unlimited patience of her favorite son and daughter-in-law, Michael and Lourdes Corren, of world-famous cow sanctuary El Paso, TX. Renay is also survived by her son Jeffrey Corren and his endlessly tolerant wife Shirley, of Powell’s Point, NC; Scott Corren, and what’s left of his colon, of Hampton, VA; Marc and Laura Corren, the loveliest dirt farmers of Vernon, TX (seriously, where is that); and her favorite son, the gay one who writes catty obituaries in his spare time, Andy Corren, of – obviously – New York City. Plus two beloved granddogs, Mia and Hudson. Renay was particularly close to and grateful for the lavish attentions of her grandaughter Perla and her great-grandchildren Elijah and Leroy, as well as her constant cruise companions Sam Trammell of Greenville, NC, and Adam Corren of El Paso, TX. Renay took tremendous pride in making 1 gay son and 2 gay grandchildren, Sam Trammell and Adam Corren.
There will be a very disrespectful and totally non-denominational memorial on May 10, 2022, most likely at a bowling alley in Fayetteville, NC. The family requests absolutely zero privacy or propriety, none what so ever, and in fact encourages you to spend some government money today on a 1-armed bandit, at the blackjack table or on a cheap cruise to find our inheritance. She spent it all, folks. She left me nothing but these lousy memories. Which I, and my family of 5 brothers and my sister-in-laws, nephews, friends, nieces, neighbors, ex-boyfriends, Larry King’s children, who I guess I might be one of, the total strangers who all, to a person, loved and will cherish her. Forever. Please think of the brightly-frocked, frivolous, funny and smart Jewish redhead who is about to grift you, tell you a filthy joke, and for Larry King’s sake: LAUGH. Bye, Mommy. We loved you to bits.
RIP RENAY MANDEL CORREN 10 MAY 1937 – 11 DEC 2021
Posted online on December 15, 2021
Published in The Fayetteville Observer, Funerals Today